Wow...what a journey!

I have gone back and reread a lot of my blogs and I have to admit...DAMN IAM ALL OVER THE PLACE!! I have come to realize in the past months (mostly due to being bed ridden after two major surgeries back to back) that I am severely depressed. I have the want to do things in my heart but my head could really careless. I do a lot of BS talk because I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. No one understands just how much I hate hearing the same things over and over, the same questions, the same statements...I can write a book about all of it. The one thing I think people don't understand is the more positive verbage you say to someone (and that they hear from 50 other people) actually starts turning into a negative. People say things just to say things because they think it helps...being silent helps a lot more sometimes!  I hate answering the same questions...how many ways can you say "NO, no change." When you do NOTHING day in and day out but sit in your four walls at your house (somedays not even being able to move) ...and someone says "So anything new?" or "So what did you do today?" Really...I have given you the SAME EXACT ANSWER FOR THE PAST 16 MONTHS...and then they question your answer...and then get upset with me because I have nothing different to say. Well...if you don't like what I say...stop calling me and asking me the same flippin' questions day in and day out!!

As an update - I am no longer in college, I got screwed financially by Keiser and then I can't get all the financial assistance I need from Edison to conitinue, so that is on the back burner for a while. I am at 17 months of being unemployed and I am completely FLAT BROKE. I have had a total of 3 major surgeries this year (Feb, Aug and Nov). Due to those surgeries I hgave gained 25 pounds, which only makes things worse for physically and mentally! I have applied for disability, but have yet to hear a word. I am so disgusted by the government, it's not even funny! I have come to find out, YET AGAIN, who my real friends are. I am single, and plan on staying that way for a while. I am not happy with me, so how can I be happy with anyone else. My heart has been severely used and abused (mostly by me letting it happen) and is needing to just be left alone for a long time. I am severely depressed and yet I can't be in front of my daughter, so I do A LOT of pretending!! 

Yeah...so this is me right now...HOW GREAT!!!

Back at it....

Well starting yesterday I'm back at serious training, including eating the right way. Two months strict then I'll cut back and even things out. I'm also back in college classes...19 months to go till graduation!

So I figured I would track my progress back on here...

May 1 -
AM training
strength train - shoulders
30 min Stairmaster
30 min Bike

PM Training
Insanity DVD 30mins
100 pushups

May 2 -
60 min Elliptical
100 pushups

Things happen...

As much as I can say NOTHING has been happening in my world...sooo much has been happening within me. I am learning a lot about things that I once thought I knew a lot about! (Does that make sense?) I am basically starting my life all over again. Venturing out into a new career, being back in college, about to have a TEEN in my home, being single again and being ok. I know God has a hold of me and of my daughter. I have realized why I have not been happy and I am working on fixing it. I have been asked by a friend to help her tone up, I am getting back at it too...back at eating right and being healthy for me and training with Amanda (who has been such a huge blessing in my life!)!! All I know is that even though I have been jobless for 7 months and dealing with huge budgeting strategies...I am looking forward to all the NEW in my life and saying goodbye to all the OLD!!!

It's been awhile

Well all I can say is I have been on a journey...I have had some medical issues come up, but with no insurance, I am limited to what can be done. I need surgery, but it will have to wait. I am in my 3rd college class, my first one was Computers (102%), and my second was American Lit (97%). Right now I am taking Biology and next month it's Adv Bio, then finally my last pre req course will be Statistics. Then I get a nice break til Jan 2012 when my core program begins!! I can't wait!!! Right now I am jobless (again), but I am not stressing over it...I am praying and when the right job happens...it happens. As for anything else...life has been quite busy with just being a single mom to a very active daughter, school and taking time for me. Which is soooo nice.  I will be taking it up a notch in a month....I am going to be the healthiest I have been.

I should be a motivational speaker...or so many have told me...I have also been told I need to write a book. Thos are both my weak traits...I guess its two things I need to start focusing on!!!